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~ Random musings of a thoroughly lived life

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Monthly Archives: January 2014

Helping One Woman – Visalia

21 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Uncategorized

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charity, community, girls' night out, Helping One Woman, irreplaceable loss, support

I spent this evening with another group of Visalians that very quietly does wonderful things. The local chapter of Helping One Woman (www.helpingonewoman.org) meets monthly at dinner to honor a woman in the community who has experienced or is experiencing an irreplaceable loss.

The concept is so simple. Each month a woman is chosen to be the recipient of the following month’s honor. To participate, you show up, pay $15 for your dinner and donate at least $10 for the honoree. Tonight’s dinner raised over $1,200 cash donations alone. Depending on the organizers for the evening, there are usually a variety of vendors present, sometimes a silent auction, or raffle prizes. The underlying idea, of course, is to maximize the amount of money the honoree receives. There is no overhead, no “fundraising corporation” taking their cut off the top, no advertising budget. Just pure grace.

Tonight’s honoree and her husband helped their young son fight a devastating form of leukemia that ultimately took his life. The husband gave an eloquent tribute to his wife and her incredible strength while her son was hospitalized. He wasn’t maudlin, simply sincere — and I don’t think there was a dry eye in the ballroom when he was done. I know I had tears in mine.

If you have been yearning to find an organization that “fits”, or if you just want a monthly girls’ night out, consider visiting Helping One Woman the third Tuesday of each month at the Visalia Marriott Hotel. The food is delicious, the company is superb, and the warmth in your heart will last on into the month.

One woman giving $10 can buy another woman’s lunch.
Ten women giving $10 can buy another woman’s groceries.
One hundred women giving $10 each can make a real difference in another woman’s life.

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Lifestyle schizophrenia

20 Monday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Family

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contentment, Downton Abbey, dreams, family, Hawaii Life, Maui

Tonight I find myself caught somewhere in between the gracious challenges of 20th Century England at Downton Abbey and the paradise that is modern Hawaii Life. Both cultures pull at me so. I love the clothes, the sensibilities, the elegance of English aristocracy. But I would probably find life on Maui to be a much more comfortable “fit” for my life in the here and now.

Since life at Downton no longer exists, and a move to Hawaii isn’t even on my radar screen, I shall continue enjoying the contentment of day-to-day life in Central California, sharing a home with two precious girls, their parents, and the world’s best dog.

But I can dream, can’t I?

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A bonus day

19 Sunday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Family

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barbecue, church, family, football, fund raising, neighbors, yard sales

Today was a bonus day. Nothing extraordinary planned, no celebrations, just real life at its casual best. Even the weather cooperated; although the calendar says it is mid-winter, the temperature hit the mid-70’s with beautiful sunshine!

I awoke to little voices from the next room whispering about getting dressed early: “Let’s surprise Grammy!” The surprise was that they were nearly an hour away from the alarm going off, and were up and at it on their own. It was our turn to take coffee hour treats for church, so it was wonderful to be able to leave early without me growling at them. A lovely start to the day.

At “announcements” time, Lily explained her cookie dough fundraiser for school, and let the congregation know that if they were interested, she would have the order form at coffee hour. Our friends came through in a big way, and she was happily stunned by their orders. (She will hit up selected neighbors tomorrow.)

A neighbor’s yard sale was a great excuse to stop and visit for a few minutes that turned into nearly an hour. Somewhere along the way the guys started the barbecue, with delicious results for lunch. Then more barbecuing later, with melt-in-your-mouth roast, mashed potatoes, and yummy cornbread for dinner. And I didn’t have to cook any of it!

The football game was a bit disappointing, but since I didn’t truly have a team in the game no harm was done.

Adding to the beauty of the day was tomorrow’s school holiday, so everyone stayed up late (and the girls were asleep almost before their heads hit the pillows). Now the house is quiet and my latest book awaits.

Sleep well.

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Hoop dreams

18 Saturday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Family

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basketball, kids sports, team sports, Title 9, WNBA

Basketball season began in our house today. The big girl, who played last year, was concerned that she might be the only girl on the team. Her fears were swept away when she discovered that not only was there another girl on the team, her COACH was also female (assisted by her husband). She proudly wears the jersey of the USC Trojans…a jersey that actually fits this year.

It is amazing the difference a year makes! Gone is the timidity and hesitancy…she just waded into the fray, completely unconcerned about getting in someone’s face. She’s not worried about being “girly” this year, either — just wants to play the game. And play she did…making 6 baskets and running up and down the court with abandon.

This is the first experience with team sports for the little one. She is the tiniest member of The Cal Poly Mustangs pre-k and kinder team, although today’s opposing team has another girl just her same size. There is nothing tiny about her heart, though. And her coaches are terrific…after attempting two baskets and missing by a huge margin, her coach scooped her up in his arms for her third — and successful — try. She lit up like a Christmas tree, not caring that she needed help, just thrilled to make her basket. Her highest arching shot bounced right off the back of her tallest teammate’s head, but he didn’t care, either! Like her, he was just thrilled to be in the game.

They don’t keep score in this league; the players don’t, at least. The parents have a pretty good idea of who sank more baskets, but the focus is not on winning or losing, but on building relationships and having fun. And that’s not just hype. The kids are having a blast! The coaches have the freedom to stop mid-game and work on basics, or change the pace of the game so that all players are included. They aren’t smarmy about it, just nice.

Playing basketball was one of my dreams in high school, but in pre-Title 9 California girls only got to play in P.E. I can hardly wait to take these two to a WNBA game so that they can see women playing professionally. We truly have come a long way, baby, and our girls will be going even farther.

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Furry friends

17 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Family

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cats, furry friends, kittens, pets, Rainbow bridge

I have been thinking today of the furry friends that have been a large part of my life, some briefly, but some for many wonderful years. Most of mine were cats, because Daddy always said that if your yard was small enough that you had to pick up after your dog, you didn’t have a big enough yard. And we didn’t.

But there were always cats. Tippy, my very first cat, came along when I was about four years old. She was all black, with four white paws…hence her name. Tippy would eat lunch each day with the construction crews building homes in our neighborhood; as far as we know, she went home with a builder one day. Then there were two little black litter mates who gave me ringworm — I was brokenhearted when Daddy took them to the pound. But he wouldn’t keep them around carrying disease.

Our most famous cats were probably Suzy and George, the tiger siblings we got for Melody’s second birthday. Suzy was Melody’s kitten, and George (her brother) was mine. I’ll never forget the look on Melody’s face when she heard a tiny meow from the kitchen. She just froze, and whispered, “Kitty?” We were devastated when Suzy became ill and had to be put to sleep. I moped around because George missed his companion, and ended up being scolded by Daddy for being so self-centered. After all, it was Melody who had lost her pet. A few months later George delivered a healthy litter of kittens, and was renamed Georgia. And no, I did not name my daughter after my cat, no matter what she tells you. She was named after a relative!

There was Willie, too, the big black Persian who sat on the piano bench next to me during my lessons. He belonged to Mrs. Prothero, and is the central figure in her painting, “American Folk Song”, hanging on my bedroom wall. His golden eyes are the only spots of color in the otherwise black and white picture.

In Arroyo Grande we had a small zoo for a while, with bunnies, kittens, and a desert tortoise all hanging out together. I have pictures in my album of a kitten riding across the lawn on the back of the tortoise.

I brought a tiny little kitten home from the Cal Poly Farm…Tiger’s mother had been killed, and all the other kittens nuzzled into his little neck and wore all the fur off his throat. With Tiger we saw our own version of a Disney True Life Adventure, as the big tomcat next door taught the little orphaned kitten how to hunt and how to play. So patiently the tom demonstrated how to crouch down and stalk prey, and Tiger would hunker down low, then wiggle his little behind and leap into the air after a butterfly. Sometimes the tom would get disgusted and smack him, sending Tiger flying sideways and then bringing him back to the task at hand. The first time I remember seeing Daddy cry was the afternoon Mom and Daddy came home from shopping and Tiger ran right under the wheels of the car in our driveway. We were making jam, and I’ll never forget stirring the boiling fruit and crying, and stirring and crying. So much love, and so much sadness.

We had the nappy haired black kitten we called The Pickaninny, which was shortened by Donnie to Pickle, and renamed Pickle Pickaninny when she moved away to college with me. She was my shadow, always by my side when I was home, until the first time my later-to-become husband came to visit. Pickle was fickle…she fell in love with Ken way before I did and was his from then on. At one point after our marriage we had two mama cats and their assorted seven kittens, plus an orphan we adopted into the family — in a one-bedroom apartment, no less!

There were others along the way…some who came, hung out for a while, then moved on…some we loved for years. Toddler Georgia named her calico kitten Killer (for no apparent reason); when Killer disappeared she named Killer’s replacement (an orange tabby) ‘Nother Killer. Killer returned after a six-month absence, and shared our lives for 18 years.

Sarah, the tortoiseshell who loved to play in the street, let us know first-hand the kindness of animal people. She was hit by a car and injured terribly…we had no money for vet bills and I didn’t even know who to call. Our neighbors who did animal rescue contacted the emergency vet, helped me take her to him, and then put the bill on their credit card for me to pay off when I could. Sarah had to have her face wired back into place, and always looked a bit lopsided afterwards.

Killer was joined late in life by Big Foot, a huge rasty tom who wandered into our yard and hearts and didn’t leave. They were buried side-by-side under the rose bushes in the front yard, and the cat-angel representing them has moved with me each time since then.

But the cat first and foremost in my thoughts tonight isn’t even one of my own. Little One, my niece’s precious kitty, crossed over the rainbow bridge yesterday at 18 years old. Little One has been Leah’s companion, partner-in-crime, child, and best friend since she was a girl, and I know her arms are very empty tonight. I hope that someday another lonely little kitten will worm her way into Leah’s heart; until then, we all have happy memories of a rambunctious kitten who still remembered how to be playful in his old age, and loved Leah with all his being. You were loved, Little One.

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Equality

16 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Uncategorized

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"The Notebooks of Lazarus Long", equality, Robert A. Heinlein

“Whenever women have insisted on absolute equality with men, they have invariably wound up with the dirty end of the stick. What they are and what they can do makes them superior to men, and their proper tactic is to demand special privileges, all the traffic will bear. They should never settle merely for equality. For women, “equality” is a disaster.” – Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long

Mom used to say, “I have no desire to be equal…why step down?” Words to ponder.

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“The Golden Hour”

15 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Book reviews

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"The Golden Hour", Italy, Margaret Wurtele, World War II

One of the joys of having a sister who is a reader is the occasional arrival of a box of books she has read, enjoyed, and is passing on to me. The past several days I have had my nose deep in one from her last shipment — Margaret Wurtele’s “The Golden Hour”.

Told in flashback from the deathbed of the heroine’s father, “The Golden Hour” gives a very personal view of World War II Italy, and the harsh choices that were made by ordinary people simply trying to survive. Giovanna matures from a naive seventeen year old fascinated by the attentions of a Nazi officer, to rescuing and falling for an Italian freedom fighter — a Jewish friend of her brothers.

I’m still two chapters from the end…so I don’t know whether “happily ever after” happens or not. But the story is enthralling and very real.

Happy reading!

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Dream time

14 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Uncategorized

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dreams, full moon, moonlight

It has been a long day, and there is a full moon shining her light through my bedroom window. This isn’t a time to write…it is a time to dream of fairy folk and unicorns. Sleep well, my dears.

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Imaginary friends

13 Monday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Family

≈ 22 Comments

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friendship, grief, imaginary friends, Kool-aid, rainbows, support, unicorns

I have been thinking a lot today about imaginary friends. My sister had one who was quite a terror…was allowed to do everything Melody wasn’t, and had no real limits at all. She came to a bad end. My brother had two…a giant and an elf. I remember hearing him playing with them in his bedroom, having conversations using his normal little kid voice, a deep voice for the giant, and a high squeaky voice for the elf.

I didn’t have — or need — an imaginary friend as a child. I had my mother all to myself until I was five years old.

Fast-forward nearly sixty years to the spring of 2013. The company I had represented for 10 years filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy, turning my life and the lives of thousands of other consultants upside down. The company-sponsored social networks were sharing information about the process on a need-to-know basis, and they didn’t seem to think we had a need to know very much. Kool-aid seemed to be the corporate drink of choice, and unicorns and rainbows the corporate logos. Facing the end of what many of us had considered a life-long association was a painful, frustrating, and grief-filled process.

And in came the imaginary friends to ease the way. One brave woman, realizing the need for a “safe zone” for conversations, information sharing, and grieving, set up a secret group on Face Book, and over the space of several months I found myself the proud associate of over 1,300 friends. Some of the women I had met “in real life”, many had names I recognized from company events and public relations pieces, but many became real to me in our countless heartfelt conversations over the internet. These, my imaginary friends, filled a void I hadn’t even realized existed, and I will be forever grateful.

The time of crisis for our company has passed, and life is beginning to return to a new normal for most of us. But the bonds of caring and sisterhood that we forged through the miracle of social media will continue. Our community of women (and a few special men) has come together to support families who have lost loved ones, families with breadwinners out of work, families affected by natural disasters…in other words, families just going about their day-to-day lives. And we will continue to do so.

Long live our friends, imaginary and otherwise.

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My favorite…today

11 Saturday Jan 2014

Posted by momfawn in Family

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Christmas, family memories, family stories, photographs

I spent today with a group of friends with at least one thing in common: we all love photographs and the family stories they tell. So I started thinking about which of my thousands and thousands of pictures is my favorite. The answer changes from moment to moment, memory to memory. But they each involve family.

I think my absolutely favorite pictures is from Christmas many years ago…I’m thinking possibly 1959 or 1960…Mom is standing in front of the Christmas tree in her favorite fuchsia sateen robe, cradling her new hunting rifle and crying to Daddy, “My rifle…you got me my own rifle.”

Or maybe my favorite is the publicity photo from the San Bernardino Sun, showing me in all my fifth-grade glory, pointing out my piano teacher’s oil painting, “American Folk Song,” for which my sister and I modeled (also c. 1959).

Or could it be the picture of The Four DeMurls, sitting side by side — my grandmother, my mother, myself, and my daughter…all of us sharing the same middle name. Or the next set of The Four DeMurls — my mother, myself, my daughter, and HER daughter…

Or the picture I snapped with my phone this New Year’s Eve, with both granddaughters in their bathrobes and holding their Great-Grammy’s vintage noisemakers, ready to head outside and shake in the new year.

No matter how grand or how ordinary, pictures are one of the ways we hold on to wonderful memories and pass them on to our next generations. I am blessed to have loved ones to take pictures of, and loved ones to tell my stories to.

What is your favorite picture? I’d love to know.

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