March 1

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anniversaries, cousins, family, nephews

March 1 is a lovely day in our family. Forty years ago today, my cousin Philip Bruce married Janice, thereby giving me my very first “cousin-in-law” who is now simply “my cousin”. (I wrote about our visit on Friday.) The bride was appropriately beautiful, the groom just a bit nervous, and the cake server (me) ended up with cake in her hair!

Fast forward to March 1 a couple of years later, when my sister Melody and her husband made me an aunt for the very first time. Jim was a neat little kid, and has grown up into a handsome and articulate young man who charms the local wildlife and can make all growing things flourish. He is another reason I wish that Ohio was located along the eastern edge of California!

Once again, the bottom line for me is family.

Cousin time

Tags

anniversaries, cousins, dementia, grief, in-laws

Cousins are precious creatures, often being our closest playmates after our siblings. And if we are really lucky, our cousins choose their partners wisely and give us even more cousins as we get older. My first cousin to marry will be having his 40th anniversary this weekend, which means that my “cousin-in-law” has been part of our family almost twice as long after her marriage than her husband was before marrying her. (I hope that makes sense when I read it again in the morning!)

Today was Aunt Betty and Uncle Phil’s 66th wedding anniversary — an incredible accomplishment by two of the most special people in my world. Coincidentally, their first daughter-in-law was visiting for a couple of days, so I drove up to Fresno this evening for a visit. I almost didn’t go. It had been a long day, rain was expected, Olivia has basketball at 8:30 in the morning. I rattled off an entire litany of excuses to myself. But Janice had come all the way from Virginia and I hadn’t seen her for more than a year, so I went.

Of course, the look of joy on her face when she opened the door and discovered me was worth the drive both ways. And our instant “cousin connection”, the one that erases the time and space of being apart, was as wonderful as always. We were young adults together. I served the cake at her wedding, she is my daughter’s godmother. We are grandmothers together, we are each grieving the death of a parent (Janice’s dad and my mom), and watching loved ones journey through dementia (Janice’s mom and my Uncle Phil). I have often said that I wished New Hampshire, Virginia, and Ohio were clustered along the eastern border of California north of Arizona, so that all our family could see each other more often.

Tonight I am thankful for the blessings of cousins — by birth and by marriage — and for the aunts and uncles who give them to us. Happy 66th anniversary, Aunt Betty and Uncle Phil. And thank you for being Philip Bruce’s parents, so that I could have Janice.

(This was written on Friday night, but didn’t publish until two minutes into Saturday.)

Valentine’s Day Part 3

Tags

anniversaries, flowers, Valentine's Day

I have known about the Twelve Days of Christmas my entire life, and have celebrated Twelfth Night more than once. In October, I consider that my birthday starts with the arrival of my first card or gift, and lasts until the last card or gift is received. I really enjoy my birthday month!

But the concept of Valentine’s Day being spread out across several days is new to me, and I rather like it. On Friday night any number of people came to Olive Garden to celebrate Valentine’s Day “ahead of time” and avoid the crowded restaurant on Saturday (I’ll call this Valentine’s Day #1). It didn’t exactly work that way, as we are always busy Friday nights, and this Friday was no exception. Then on the “real” Valentine’s Day (Valentine’s Day #2?) we were astoundingly busy, with people being told they would have a 2-1/2 hour wait and staying anyway!

I was completely surprised by how many people — especially couples — came in today dressed in their festive clothes who, when asked, said that yes, they had decided to wait until today and avoid the Valentine’s Day rush. And, for the most part, they were pleasantly surprised about how soon they were able to be accommodated.

Several of our servers received Valentine’s Day bouquets during their shifts at work, and we all enjoyed seeing them throughout the day. I have to admit to missing my Valentine’s Day flowers. From the very beginning of our relationship, my husband-who-lives-across-town sent or brought me flowers for every possible occasion across the year. When I moved out, I had to insist that he no longer send me flowers — it just didn’t feel fair to let him continue. But when I see the beautiful bouquets some of our gals receive from their significant others, it gives me a bit of a pang. This Valentine’s Day marked the 40th anniversary of the day we met, and I had a nostalgic late-night phone call recognizing that. It seems a lifetime ago, or just a little while, depending on the day.

On which ever day you celebrated it, I hope your Valentine’s Day was charming, spent with those you love. Sweet dreams.

Another anniversary

Tags

anniversaries, friends, nostalgia, weddings

There’s a funny thing about marriages. Unless you absolutely despised the person you married, you still remember the wedding — and the day — with a certain nostalgia, if not fondness. So while yesterday thoughts of my first wedding, at the Parlier Justice Court, fluttered across my mind all day, today I have been thinking similar thoughts of my second wedding, at the beautiful St. Paul’s Episcopal Church.

I remember the hopes of a fresh start we had with this “real” wedding; it was the second time for each of us, and we knew it would be our last. And it was. Good things happened. Georgia happened. But lousy things happened, too. We didn’t envision spending years 29 through 33 living across town from each other, but things are better this way.

This way we can be friends.

An Ode to Marriage

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anniversaries, husband and wife, marriage, NaBloPoMo, parents, Til death do us part

Sixty-five years ago today my parents were married in the little town of Globe, Arizona.  They celebrated every day as husband and wife, until Mom’s death during their sixty-first year together.  Even as a young child I knew that there was something very special about their marriage, and the older I got — and the more I saw of other people’s marriages — the more I appreciated it.  Over the years Mom and Daddy passed on a few guiding principles that kept their marriage happy and healthy, and I would like to share them with you.

1. Choose your partner wisely.  “Til death do us part” is a very long time.
2. Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition.  Sometimes one will give 80% and the other will give 20%.  Just make sure that you take turns being the one who gives and who receives.
3. Your husband (or wife) is the most important person in your family.  Your children, no matter how precious, will grow up and leave home, but your husband will be with you a long time after they are gone.  Make sure he knows how special he  is to you.
4. Hold hands in public.  Not because you are insecurely clinging to each other, but as a public acknowledgement of love and support.  (Kissing in the car at stop lights is good, too!)
5. Make sure your children know how much you love each other, and how much you both love your children.
6. Welcome your spouse’s friends into your life, whether you like them personally or not.  Be respectful of their relationships.
7. Be totally transparent about money — how you make it and how you spend or save it.  Money is not “mine” or “yours” in a marriage, it is “ours”.
8. Tell your wife (or husband) how much you love her.  Do it often.  Don’t just assume she knows.
9. Willingly spend time with your extended family.  That “strange” in-law may become one of your dearest friends over time.
10. And this last rule was just Mom’s:  If your husband asks you to go somewhere or do something with him, don’t say “no” twice in a row.  He might not ask again.

I was so lucky that on November 1, 1948, Donald Lewis Pender married Hazel DeMurl Fenley, and they went on to become my parents.  They set an amazing example for their children, grandchildren, and the world at large.  Happy Anniversary, Mother and Daddy.