Tag Archives: marriage

Changes

29 Friday May 2015

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Five years ago today I awoke for the first time in my very own bed, in my brand-new duplex apartment.  Moving out was a difficult decision, but after 29 years of marriage it was a decision long overdue.

I spent two years in that sweet apartment, eating and sleeping and cleaning (or not) as I wished, with daily interruptions by my teaching job.  I was through with compromising and negotiating, and loved being independent.

Then my world was rearranged once more, and I moved from my little place into my daughter’s home.  Compromising and negotiating became absolutely necessary once more, as we discovered what did and did not work for the five of us sharing our lives in close quarters.  Thank goodness I’m a Libra and crave equilibrium…

It is time for another change, as next week I will file for dissolution of our now nearly 33 year marriage.  My husband-who-lives-across-town will morph into ex-husband #2; I hope our relationship can continue to be as positive as it has become (most of the time) over these past years.

My grieving was over long ago, but I would be foolish to think that this huge change won’t take a certain amount of adjustment.  I look forward to being single again, knowing what I do now, and will go forward with enthusiasm for whatever comes my way.

An Ode to Marriage

01 Friday Nov 2013

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Sixty-five years ago today my parents were married in the little town of Globe, Arizona.  They celebrated every day as husband and wife, until Mom’s death during their sixty-first year together.  Even as a young child I knew that there was something very special about their marriage, and the older I got — and the more I saw of other people’s marriages — the more I appreciated it.  Over the years Mom and Daddy passed on a few guiding principles that kept their marriage happy and healthy, and I would like to share them with you.

  1. Choose your partner wisely.  “Til death do us part” is a very long time.
  2. Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition.  Sometimes one will give 80% and the other will give 20%.  Just make sure that you take turns being the one who gives and who receives.
  3. Your husband (or wife) is the most important person in your family.  Your children, no matter how precious, will grow up and leave home, but your husband will be with you a long time after they are gone.  Make sure he knows how special he  is to you.
  4. Hold hands in public.  Not because you are insecurely clinging to each other, but as a public acknowledgement of love and support.  (Kissing in the car at stop lights is good, too!)
  5. Make sure your children know how much you love each other, and how much you both love your children.
  6. Welcome your spouse’s friends into your life, whether you like them personally or not.  Be respectful of their relationships.
  7. Be totally transparent about money — how you make it and how you spend or save it.  Money is not “mine” or “yours” in a marriage, it is “ours”.
  8. Tell your wife (or husband) how much you love her.  Do it often.  Don’t just assume she knows.
  9. Willingly spend time with your extended family.  That “strange” in-law may become one of your dearest friends over time.
  10. And this last rule was just Mom’s:  If your husband asks you to go somewhere or do something with him, don’t say “no” twice in a row.  He might not ask again.

I was so lucky that on November 1, 1948, Donald Lewis Pender married Hazel DeMurl Fenley, and they went on to become my parents.  They set an amazing example for their children, grandchildren, and the world at large.  Happy Anniversary, Mother and Daddy.SCAN0160